Friday, March 9, 2012

Giving it to God...

Every now and then I get caught up on something in life....

Most recently it has been over money, more specifically the fact that TN RN's get paid on the low side of the range, the very low side. So naturally I became concerned abut my ability to provide for my family, whether we could afford for Rob to go to college or get deeper in debt with student loans, could we even afford a child and still love a comfy life, or would we be worse off than now (and for the record "now" is unrealistic- too few bills and a monthly trust- all ending soon..). You might say it made me kind of down. I immediately recognized how absurd I was being. That a job is blessing and since i don't have a job ATM.... having one would be an improvement. A then a for a second I considered my back up option... my go-to last resort choice= Dorothy's house. A place I hope I own all my life and teach my children well enough to continue to pass it down the family tree like a giant heirloom. True - Ohio nurses do make more the TN. But I'm seriously considering it, thus the "last resort" theory. Although apart of my dream is to fix Dorothy's house, put in central heat and air, fix any flaws, maybe even update it a little. But as I contemplate how I'll ever afford to buy my own home, how then could I ever have enough funds to fix up a house I don't live in. In my mind selling the house isn't an option, I nearly tear up at the thought of it, in fact I think it would scar me so badly that I'd forever have difficulty driving by it. What can I say, I', F****d up in the head ?!?

That wasn't my point... my point was......

I always am driven back to God. I'm again and always putting my faith in him and asking for guidance. I believe in my heart that God will, in one way or another, provide for me and my family. That whatever is going to happen is all apart of his plan. And I will do my best to listen diligently and do my part. I'm not just about to graduate nursing school because I did it all on my own- God was there the whole time, along with other support. So that I was stressed and down, I'm giving it over to God....

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