Monday, February 20, 2012

I'm neglecting myself...

Today I semi-started it off by going to get my depo shot and renew the prescription and got the pleasure of stepping onto the scale. Pleasure it was not! First of all weight is a very sensitive topic for me, look at me and you'll probably see why; know me and you'll realize it has been an up and down battle for me. And I won't go into the mental details of how it has affected me through the years but lets just say I've allowed this issue to take control of me at times. I'm not blind to the fact that since I quit working I've gained weight, although whenever I'm not looing at a photo or in the mirror I still think I'm thinner than I really am. I suppose my mind is still stuck in that once thinner (but never very thin) image I used to be several years ago. If fact I never mention my weight, I don't ever say "I'm fat". I avoid the topic is social situations because it is hard for me. I sadly, will admit like an alcoholic does, I'm the heaviest I've ever been. At the moment I find the stress of nursing school fueling my weight gain over the last 1 1/2 years. The potential of failing an exam or being kicked out of the program has probably led me to eat a few pieces of cheesecake and try to satisfy my stress with food. It's not the way it should be go but I'm going to try to twik it alittle while completing my last semester. I truly plan to step up the effort once I'm done with school. Maybe I'll even go to a gym or get a personal trainer or take a class to keep me accountable. Maybe my employer will offer some discounts to aid myself in the goal of better health and weight loss. Like nearly everything in my life I will pray about this. So right now I'm going to work out.... And if anyone even thinks about asking, forget about it!

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