Thursday, September 23, 2010

Week 4...

... has been the worst!
I still don't know what I made on the test but i think it went well. Got 8/10 on my quiz but yesterday I failed 2 parts of the assessment- Apical & radial pulse counts. I can not count the beats of the heart- not by listening or by feeling. I must be retarded!
Although I wasn't surprised I messed up on something I was surprised that it was that. I took it well when it was going on but 24 hours later the repercussion is overwelhming and there have been some severe stress induced tears. I get the chance to practice one on one and re-test (i gotta find someone available to do it- challenge). And if i fail again... I get one more shot But it's a big ordeal involving 2 ten year faculty members. Might try to get it done on Sunday but if i fail it again I'm not sure I'll take it as well as the first time. I'm pretty sure it will be either A. a slow burst into tears while they say just practice practice practice, u aren't first- u won't be the last... OR B. i can hold it in but am in tears before i leave the building or at least by the time i hit the car and just totally lose it!
Although I try to avoid those potentially negative thoughts- it's hard to control when you are already at the beginning of a potential downward spiral. My slim confidence is not destroyed. The devil on my shoulder says" why do u do anything u don't want to when u r an adult" "but the angel says it is for a good reason and persevere Lee"...
Like the captain of a ship, I will go down with it... even if it causes me 3 headaches in 1 day....

1 comment:

  1. Keep trying girl. You'll get it. Take your time and ask the Lord to help you know how to recognize the heartbeats, or whatever all you need to do. :) You'll get it eventually. You can do anything! You are a child of God.