Missing my Grandma- 5 years later

So... I did good on my test, 84, I could go on about how I should have done better and blah blah.... the fact is- on the first test of each nursing class I've only once done better than this grade (once got the same). If I made an 84 on each exam I'd be happy. So tomorrow I'll see my unit at the hospital and then have a fake test and check off. Woohoo- not. I'll get through it though, I always do....
On a less than chipper note- today marks the 5 year anniversary since my beloved Dorothy died. I'll never forget the last month of her life, the last time I saw her, or heard her speak, or walking into that funeral home with my dad on one side and my mom on the other as I broke down crying just barely in sight of her in the coffin (yards away). I dream of you often grammy and miss you so much. There will always be a hole in my heart with the aching of missing you and loving you.
Was it a coincidence that Hereafter was the movie to premiere on HBO Saturday....

Goodbye week 1, hello week 2....

So... the first week went well I think. And tomorrow is my first clinical of the semester. I think I'm ready. It seems like the night before these things are about the same: gather stuff up and relax, after doing whatever work first. I don't obsess about things, like I could be going over the head to touch like crazy and doing a couple dry runs with the husband but i'm just trying to be as calm as I can. Does that make any sense? Not that I have reason to panic but let's be clear- anything can happen in clinical. You don't know what you'll have to deal with or what questions you'll be asked.
So I'll spend the first 2 weeks a nursing home- mainly doing head to toes and dealing with the "final" phase of life... not exactly my highlight and may pose some personal challenages for me but hopefully I'll be the bestest nurse I can be (including control of my reactions & emotions).
Then the until Turkey day it's an oncology unit with some mental health throw in. Cancer- I should be good at that, huh? I've had lots of exposure and actually seen an oncologist but will this dig up fears and sadness? I think I'll be ok, I should fine tune my communication skills, wonder if I can discuss my experiences... hmm... only if it comes up like "I can relate... my blank had blank cancer too"... ?
LOL so what is my strategy for dealing with stress (other than doing all i can to prepare) sew!
I bought 2 yards and cut them into 3 1/2 inch squares. I just sew a few together at a time. Don't know what it will end up, just making square blocks for now.... So wish me some luck or send me some prayers or kind words! Nursing school is not for the weak & I know God choose this for me.
Goodnight & God Bless
Tomorrow is going to be an awesome day...